Who is the last American in the world from whom you expect a Valentine this year?

How about the late President Richard Millhouse Nixon?

Why buy from Nixon for Valentine’s Day?

Because “you don’t have Nixon to kick around anymore,” to paraphrase the president from his first retirement from politics after losing the 1962 California Governor’s election.

Or is it because “Any lady who is first lady likes being first lady,” as the late president claimed. “I don’t care what they say, they like it.”

Maybe it all comes back to cooking: “It’s a piece of cake until you get to the top. You find you can’t stop playing the game the way you’ve always played it.”

Whatever your favorite Tricky-Dick line, be sure of one thing: Nixon and Valentine’s Day do not go together. So, resist the urge, and don’t buy your valentine from the Nixon Foundation.